The Power of Pausing: Why Asking Questions Before Hitting "Post" Matters When You're Triggered

Introduction

In our fast-paced digital world, it's easy to react quickly and impulsively, especially when something triggers a strong emotional response. However, taking a moment to ask questions and understand the situation before hitting "post" can make a significant difference. Let's explore why this practice is essential for maintaining healthy relationships, fostering understanding, and promoting personal growth.

Understanding the Trigger

Below are some ways you can pause and understand your triggered response before hitting post. The idea is to no longer feel like other people are making you be, say, speak, show up, or react in certain ways. We are all wildly more responsible for our actions than our ego would care to admit. Being stuck in a trigger-trauma response loop is a pattern and learn response. Through adding Neuro-Somatic techniques alongside supportive scientifically proven clinical therapies have the power to reduce dys-regulation intensity and longevity allowing a new option for the triggered nervous system.

As a complex trauma survivor I am daily leaning into these tools to reduce reactivity. I have learned how to embrace the pause. Nothing online is as urgent as my nervous system leads me to believe. The wayward comment, or more likely the way I interpret a comment, on social media can't actually harm me or change my life unless I give it the power to do so. AND YET, when I don't practice the power of the pause, reflect, and regulate before I respond—I still get stuck in a trauma response loop.

So, how can we practice this pause?

1. Identify the Emotion

- What am I feeling right now? (Anger, frustration, sadness, etc.)

If identifying emotions is difficult for you there's a great free app called How We Feel that has explanations for each feeling on a colour wheel.

- Why do I think I feel this way?

There's a reason you responded that way. Could be based on a past experience of yours from any point in the past, a recurring theme or feeling, unresolved ripples from your own behaviour or something else entirely. Sometimes it's as simple as rejection sensitive dysphoria. Knowing the why or the glimmer of the why can help you create a tool kit to diffuse reactivity and minimize furthering harm.

2. Pinpoint the Trigger

- What specifically triggered this emotional response?

Was it the words or phrase that was used? Was it the perception of being misunderstood or being made wrong? Did someone misread your intent? Are they projecting their own experience onto yours? Are they triggered?

- Is this reaction proportionate to the situation, or is there a deeper issue at play?

Will this comment matter in five minutes, five days, five weeks, five years? If their comment has little impact on your life, your values, your experience why is the reaction out of proportion to the relationship with the comment?

Would you take advice from this person? If not, why are you allowing their words to have so much power? The question is not meant to blame you. Awareness is power not a judgement. Can you suspend attaching value and worth for just a minute and dig into the first time you remember feeling this way?

Asking Questions to Gain Clarity

1. Seek Context

- What is the context of the post or comment that triggered me?

- Is there a possibility that I misunderstood the intent behind it?

2. Consider Different Perspectives

- How might the other person be feeling or thinking?

- What could be their reason for posting or commenting in this way?

Reflecting on the Impact

1. Evaluate the Consequences

- How will my response affect the relationship or situation?

Will it empower or uplift anyone who might read it?

- Will it lead to constructive dialogue or further conflict?

Am I looking to win an argument or foster understanding?

2. Think About the Audience

- Who will see my post or comment?

Is this response as it is crafted reflective of my values and who I say I am?

- How might it influence others, especially those who look up to me or are part of my community?

Choosing a Thoughtful Response

1. Decide Whether to Respond- Not saying anything is often the best choice

- Is it necessary to respond publicly, or at all?

- Would taking more time to reflect help me craft a more thoughtful response?

2. Frame Your Response Positively

- How can I express my feelings and thoughts constructively?

- What questions can I ask to foster understanding and open communication?

Personal Growth and Self-Awareness

1. Practice Self-Compassion

- Acknowledge that feeling triggered is a natural part of the human experience.

- Be kind to yourself as you navigate your emotions and responses.

2. Learn from the Experience

- What can I learn from this situation about myself and my triggers?

- How can I use this knowledge to improve my emotional resilience and communication skills?

Conclusion

Taking the time to pause, ask questions, and understand before reacting online is a powerful practice. It not only helps you manage your emotional responses more effectively but also fosters healthier, more empathetic interactions with others. By choosing thoughtful responses over impulsive reactions, you contribute to a more respectful and understanding online community.

Call to Action

Next time you feel triggered, remember the power of pausing and asking questions. Share your experiences and strategies in the comments below, and let's continue this important conversation about mindful communication together.

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