When people are committed to misunderstanding you...

Let them!

I know. I know. It feels like we need to defend ourselves when the goal posts are always moving.

You don't like the idea that your actions potentially caused harm and/or discomfort to someone else. Your big heart feels shame, guilt, and a little fear of retaliation if we're being radically honest—what I say next saved my sanity.

You cannot control how others frame their reality.

When a kid screams "that's not fair" to their guardian for not letting them balance on a meridian on the highway...conflicting realities.

When a bigot claims victimhood for being told they cannot spew hate...conflicting realities.

When a boundary is viewed as an attack...conflicting realities.

There are more examples for sure. Looking at these three, I want to highlight what they have in common. Both people believe they are right. You and the other individual.

The kid doesn't understand the risk involved and probably won't until their frontal lobe is fully developed or the reality of death and loss shows up in their life helping them to understand. So for now, it feels unfair. The guardian has all the information, experience, and responsibility in focus to keep the kid out of danger.

The bigot believes they are right in their views and in the treatment they are receiving. They think and believe they owe it to everyone who will listen, to tell them the truth. They're probably not used to being told no or to hearing sound of heart and mind folks stand against harmful rhetoric. You believe in the general intelligence of folks, compassion, and reason. You cannot make your reality theirs.

Lastly, boundaries being viewed as an attack or negligence. One of the biggest things happening on social media right now via outcry culture is the angry rant when things don't go the way we think they should.

I've been there. I've full angry trigger response word vomited my reaction on social media. I felt like I was right in every instance. The more I heal my wounds with authority, relationships, getting my validation from titles, and the less I wear my trauma as an identity badge—the more am inclined not to argue with folks operating in a different reality than mine.

What's the point? You say the sky is blue and they'll say, "it's more of an aqua" or "it's hot pink".

The people who care about you, value you, and know who you are wise to the stories people weave to fit events into their reality.

It's important to mention, that this rewriting and retelling of events is a trauma response itself. And a trauma informed approach to folks committed to misunderstanding you would be worth visiting first and foremost.